ThoughtsWithMe

I spent the entire morning cleaning and reorganising my room. I had a rough night, as was made obvious by my last post and was ready for a slightly cleaner room. I'm now waiting for the washing machine to be finished so I can do my own.

My dad's been kind of a dick today, in a way that I can't explain fully. And my whole family has just thrown me off my game, I think today will be a "look after yourself day."

I feel oddly numb and am spending too much time reminiscing about ex friends who treated me like total shit but I still miss because they were also sweet and kind.

I also can't help but think I might've been the toxic one but then I'm not 100% sure and then I start spiralling. I don't think it's going to be a long post today, mentally I'm exhausted.

Signing off,

:/

ThoughtsWithMe

I'm supposed to be going to the beach today. My family wanted to go to the pool with my step-cousins but we couldn't find anyone to look after the dog for us. But it's currently 20 to 11 and everyone except me is still in bed.

I hate being an over-thinker and over-planner. It makes me feel like I'm the only person in my family on a schedule. I know I'm not, my step mum plans like crazy, it's one of the things I love the most about her because she knows the unexpectedness of things makes me uncomfortable so she always lets me know about stuff in advance.

Next Friday is my actual mum's birthday and we're going away on holiday. It'll be warm and there'll be four of us in the air b'n'b, not to mention we'll be seeing my aunt and her bf daily.

And I didn't find out until recently that my aunt is slightly homophobic (thanks for warning me mum!) and now I'm scared. Because the only other homophobic family I have, I haven't talked to in two years.

Signing off,

:)